Frank Samian Divorces for 12th time

“I feel great. Looking for lucky number 13!”

Those were the words of Frank Samian, Head of AFFL Operations as he left court early Wednesday morning after splitting from his twelfth wife.

Samian, 56, divorced his wife of 3 ½ months, Cynthia Lovell, 28, citing irreconcilable differences. The couple were reportedly having relationship issues months before their wedding day and almost called it off.

Court documents claim that Samian was “dared” by a close friend to marry Cynthia because “no one had been able to put up with the bitch.” Samian took the challenge on, but failed shortly their after.

His closing statement went as follows:

“I wish the bitch luck finding a sucker who will put up with her bullshit long enough in order for her to suck him dry of all health, happiness and money. In any case, anyone down for Del Taco?!”

AFFL Team Pre-Draft Preview '15: Atomic Bomba

Atomic Bomba manager Raffi

For the next twelve days, the AFFL will give you a break down of each manager and preview their 2015 Fantasy season. We will take a look at what the team has done up to this point, their current keeper situation, and take an early look at how the difficulty of their schedule. Teams will be previewed in reverse draft order, starting with 12 and ending at 1. You can further see more about each manager and team by clicking on the teams tab and visiting each team page.

6. Atomic Bomba

History:

• One of the original founding teams

• 4 AFFL titles ('06, '08, '10 '11)

• Finished top 2 in the league 6 of 9 seasons

• Highest AFFL lifetime win percentage 65-39 (62%), 12-3 (80%) playoffs

• 2 seasons with only five wins

• five different seasons with nine wins or more

If team Hartan was the placebo, then the Atomic Bomba is the ideal. The team that nobody likes to talk about is has had the most success out of any other in the league. Along with Awesomeness, Bomba is the only team to win multiple titles and hoist a back-to-back trophy ('10,'11). The Dynasty essentially began in 2008, when the Bomba won the title or finished second in five of six straight seasons ('08-'13). That sort of dominance hasn't been replicated and perhaps won't be for a long time. Bomba gives the rest of the league something to gun for, and gun for the Atomic one they have.  Much of the league's animosity is directed at the franchise in hopes of taking Bomba off the throne. Despite the animosity, the team has put together a lifetime record of 65-39, winning 62% of his games and amassing an 80% playoff win percentage. Quite impressive.

But success hasn't come without failure. There are some blemishes on Bomba's record. He has two seasons where he has had a record of five and eight, meaning that when the team is bad, it's bad. While he has been solid in the trade department over the years for the most part, he has made moves that cost him the playoffs in those lack-luster seasons. Last year, Bomba traded Emmanuel Sanders for rehabbing Calvin Johnson just before Sanders was set to play in a Thursday night game. Bomba was forced to watch as Sanders went bananas in the match-up, scoring four TDs and winning the fantasy match-up for Sev.i. It would end up costing the Bomba a chance at a playoff birth, something that he regrets to this day. And after bidding a heavy amount of FAAB for a Raider wide receiver in week 9 last season, its safe to say he's still figuring this new free agent system out.

Where the Bomba has made his bread and butter is the draft. Not afraid to take risks and draft in a manner others wouldn't, the dynasty of the Bomba is founded on the principle of "explosive players." The team has regularly found late round gems that have propelled the team to the top in many seasons (Ap rookie year, Deangelo, Hillis, Gordon). The team's draft strategies could include all possibilities, from drafting three WR's in the first three rounds ('09) or taking all the falcons offensive players in rounds one through  three ('12).

The Bomba failed to meet expectations last season for the first time in five years. Will he be held out of the playoffs for the first time in consecutive years? Odds are against it. History tells us that no matter what happens, you must always beware the Bomba.

 

2015 Preview

Potential Keepers = Good

• Carlos Hyde #31

• Joseph Randle #79

Schedule = Fair

• x2 = Vosgee and Hartan

Draft

Should Joseph Randle keep the reigns on the starting job in Dallas, he will most certainly be a member of the Atomic Bomba at a seventh round value. Hyde is a question mark, as his keeper spot doesn't really offer much value and perhaps could be had later in the round. It will be interesting to see what Bomba decides to do. Assuming he keeps both RBs, we'd expect the team to go WR in the first round. However, there could be a solid WR option at his second pick and the team could elect to draft RB/QB in the first, and pick up a top tier WR in the second. It will depend on how comfortable the team feels with Hyde and Randle or just Randle as the starting RBs. Having the sixth pick in the order will give Bomba the ability to control what happens in the draft. His choices in the middle round will effect what happens on both edges of the snake style selection process.

Schedule

The team will face Vosgee and Hartan twice during the season. Vosgee is a lottery team like Bomba, but has a very solid keeper. Hartan has one as well. Many would think that the Gyank could be a push-over given his history, but don't be so sure. With a solid keeper and early picks in the first two rounds, chances are his team will be strong. Furthermore, he'll face Bomba weeks one and thirteen, meaning both teams will be at full strength (granted Vosgee has a 1-9 record lifetime versus Bomba, but that's neither here nor there). Hartan has ODBJ as a keeper, but will face Bomba on a week when he is on bye. This will put his team at a slight disadvantage. Bomba could have an edge here. Looking at the weeks that SF and Dallas are off, weeks ten and six respectively, Bomba will face Hangin' who would presumably be without Mike Evans, and Jaj, who will be at full strength. Early on, it looks like the bye weeks help Bomba on two occasions.

PDiddy calls to congratulate BDiddy on selecting #1 in the 2015 AFFL draft

"Congratulations on getting that b****.  Now lets win this thing." Those were the words of Sean Combs to BDiddy owner Baret Chakarian shortly after team Diddy won the rights to select first in the 2015 AFFL Draft that will be held Aug. 28th at 830pm at the house of Cousteau. Awesomeness will select second with Magnum Sev.i selecting third.

"It was a great feeling knowing that King Diddy, the First Diddy, Papa Diddy, Oh Mighty God Diddy, was as fired up for winning the draft selection as we were," said Chakarian. "He's a busy guy. We're busy too, but not as busy as him. Good feeling."

Combs called Chakarian at 11:03 pm pacific time, and had a ten minute conversation with the AFFL manager. Contents of the conversation were not made public per BDiddy's request, but information leaked to the Courier said that Combs put together a short list of players he did not wish to see Chakarian draft. Baret is believed to be reviewing the list with fellow co-managers Monkey mike and Tiggly Wiggly.

Diddy entered the draft selection process with the fourth number of ping pong balls in the bin, giving the team a 13% shot at winning the first pick overall. With hardly a keeper to retain, selecting first is a huge boost for Diddy, who had been stuck in the middle of the draft during previous years. Co-manager Monkey Mike explained that had they not jumped into the top three they were simply "f***ed."

Failing to make the post-season over the last two years, BDiddy looks to bounce back in a big way in 2015 and return to the glory years where they were a steady fixture in the playoffs. Interestingly enough, the same can be said for the two teams selecting after them, Awesomeness and Magnum Sev.i. All three teams at the top of the draft have at one time been one of the power teams in the league, but have fallen from grace.  With the first overall pick, DIddy has a leg up on trying to rebuild. But don't use that term around Chakarian. He won't accept it.

"We're reloading bro. What rebuild? Do you see me wearing a construction hat? Then what is this rebuild ca ca-may-me? Save that rebuilding word for teams like Vosgee. I don't want to hear it bro."

Reloading starts August 28th. BDiddy has the first bullet in the chamber. Stay tuned.

2015 AFFL Draft Order Selection Show

Ping Pong balls were placed in the AFFL Lottery Machine and the results are in. Who got the first pick in the 2015 AFFL Draft to be held on August 28th? Watch the video below.

Martin Kove Forced Cobra Kai to Start Eli Manning in Week 4. Billy Zadka as a co-manager?

Sensei John Kreese sought out Sayyad in order to "suggest" he start Eli Manning on Thursday night.  Eli swept the leg

"Start Eli." Those were the chilling words of famed Cobra Kai Sensei Martin Kove as he stared down Sayyad and his roster at a local Los Angeles coffee shop prior to week four's match-up versus Prime Time.  Sayyad doesn't take roster advice from anyone other than his fifteen month old co-manager Samuel, but few suggestions have come from such intimidating men such as Kove. It turned out to be a winning move, as Eli Manning went off for forty points, leading Cobra to their second victory of the season.

Sayyad explained how the unusual moment happened.

"I was at a coffee bean just looking over things, when I notice Martin Kove walking  over to me. I'm like, 'Yo' Mr. Kove, how are you man?' but he doesn't say a word, and grabs my computer, and begins making changes. Now I'm like, 'Yo' Mr. Kove, What are you doing my man?' and that's when he turns to me and looks me dead in the eye and says, 'Start Eli.' I was kinda shocked cuz you know Eli has sucked, so I hesitate a bit. Then he says, 'You got a problem with that?' I responded, 'No Sensei.' Then he smiled, ordered a mocha-frappuccino latte, and left."

The random encounter is shrouded in mystery. It is unknown how Kove found Sy at a random Los angeles venue, or how he knew that he was mulling over quarterback options with Russell Wilson on bye. Many speculate that he has a sixth sense for all things Cobra Kai and performs deep meditations where his intuition seeks out all Cobra Kai relevant issues in the universe. We don't doubt that as fact one bit.

Many friends of Kove's have said that he has been secretly following the AFFL's Cobra Kai for years, even reportedly popping champagne bottles when the team won the AFFL title last season. While he has a  passion for fantasy football, he has been told to stay away from the game as the stress from watching players on Sundays poses serious risks to his health, making this meeting even more unusual.

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Sayyad and Billy Zadka posing at the Kicks for Dictionaries charity event in West Hollywood, a karate event that helps raise money to get books in schools.

Sayyad sought Kove out following Sunday's victory in order to thank him, but was unable to locate his whereabouts. Instead, he got another surprise on Tuesday afternoon, when he bumped into Billy Zadka at a charity Karate event in West Hollywood.

"So, I went over to Kicks for Dictionaries, a charity event in West Hollywood to help kids get books in schools," explained Sayyad, "and I see Zadka, and I'm like, 'Yo', Billy, What's up man?' and the first thing he does is tell me how big a fan he is of the Cobra Kai, and I'm like, 'Huh. Interesting.'  Then he begs me to let him join the team, and I'm like, 'ya. ya. we'll see.' Effing Zadka, man."

Zadka is extremely serious about joining the Kai for a managerial role and has reportedly offered to change the current co-managers diapers for a month just so Samuel would know, as Billy put it, that "[Zadka] is still below him." It is unclear as to whether Sayyad will bring Zadka on for a full-time position. The results of his suggestion to bench Delanie Walker this week in favor of Travis Kelce may factor into the decision.

With two Cobra Kai alumni fully engaged into helping the team repeat as AFFL Champions, Cobra Kai is looking stronger than ever during the midpoint of the season.

Hartan Offers Trade to Himself, then Rejects it.

Sometimes Hartan brings in a third party to evaluate a trade offer. The official Hartan Parrot named SheeShik takes on the task above. He's given crackers as compensation.

One of the most active teams in the AFFL when it comes to trades is team Hartan. They have been in the process of working blockbuster deals for a long time. So how do they do it? Apparently they practice on each other.

“We each own half of the team,” explained Harout, "so we offer each other trades and then accept or reject them. We know that if one of us accepts the trade offer, there is a good chance  another team will accept it.”

Harout reacting to practice offers from Vartan. He's told not to peak, then give a non-verbal cue if he likes or dislikes the trade. It's a game of peek-a-boo.

Does their method work? Well you be the judge. One "offer" that was proposed by Harout and “accepted” by  Vartan was Matthew Stafford, Joique Bell, Randall Cobb, Pierre Thomas, and Andre Johnson for Andrew Luck, Brandon Marshall,  Dez Bryant a 49% stake in Grabbers United. And free food for a month.

“It's simple really,” explained Vartan. “Stafford plus Joique equals Luck. Cobb is better than Marshall because he's hurt, so that's Grabber's advantage. Andre Johnson would then combine with Pierre Thomas to be more than Dez, so the 49% evens that out. Maybe we were a bit high on that. Maybe 30% is his stake. The free food is just a throw in.”

A trade that was conversely rejected was Forte for Dez Bryant straight-up.

“That was a trade that wasn't getting anyone anywhere,” explained Harout. “Not equal at all.”

When they can't decide on a whether or not they should accept or reject an offer, Hartan will bring in a third party to help break the tie. Usually, SheeShik, the teams official parrot will be used to help settle the score. SheeShik is a very intelligent bird and has been involved in orchestrating deals for the team for a long time. He was the one that suggested the Drew Brees and Pierre Thomas for Jamaal Charles trade last year. He has reportedly been clamoring for the team to dump Matthew Stafford because, as SheeShik puts it, "he's blockhead with a helmet on, raar."

If Hartan and SheeShik can't manage a trade before the weekend is over, Hartan will have to go into week 4 relying on a roster that put up an anemic 52 points last week. Their match-up with Hangin' & Bangin' could decide the fate of their season.

It may be time to put on the mask and go into Super Hartan mode.

Hartan when he goes into "Super" mode. They are reportedly 13-1-0 lifetime when dawning the Hartan mask.

WFFL Update Week 1: Japan wins Thanks to Local Farmer's Pleas to Start Cutler over RG3

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Shin Katsu didn't know much about football prior to Sunday, but he's now one of the top roster advisers for Japan's team.

The first week of the World Leaders Football League kicked off with a bang, with nations all over the world glued to their television screens following NFL football and calculating point totals in twelve different languages, and an abacus.

The three big winners over the weekend had to be Japan, Nicaragua, and Egypt. All three nations enjoyed blowout victories and look to be poised for big seasons.

Japan edged out Uzbekistan late Monday night, thanks to a huge day from LeVon Bell. But the ten point victory wouldn't have happened had it not been for Shin Katsu, a peasant farmer who made a last minute phone call to Prime Minister Shinzō Abe pleading to start Jay Cutler instead of RG3. Shin, whose first and last name translated mean "Truth Victorious," was brought to the capital following the weekend and will be included in all line-up decisions moving forward. Rumors quickly spread of his heroic act, and the streets of Tokyo immediately began selling shirts with his picture on it. Some are even pushing for him to run for political office. Not bad for a guy who was only growing daikon last week.

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President Ortega hugs his roster adviser after defeating Russia in week 1.

The surprise of the weekend goes to Nicaragua, the team that was scolded for potentially having the worst draft in the WFFL. Despite an injury to Ben tate, and poor outing by Demiryus Thomas, team What the Manziel is going on?  managed to scrap together enough of a roster to edge out Russia on MNF. Ortega reportedly ran around his mansion in his boxers shouting loudly in Spanish that "those draft grades can kiss my ass." Citizens of the tiny country flooded the streets midweek in large celebrations. When asked what were their expectations of for Nicaragua in the league, one man said that this will "be the year that Nicaragua makes their presence known in the world of sport because this sport involves no athleticism. It's purely fantasy, something Nicaraguans are good at."

Egypt crushed the competition with a weekly high, and sent Zimbabwe home with their first loss. Touchdown Tutankhamun had balance all over the roster. Maclin, Rashad Jennings, Patterson, McCoy. The line-up is loaded. President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi was so confident that he would win week one that he reportedly thought about benching his defense prior to Sunday.  League officials said that if he did that, he would have incurred a fifty point penalty. Right now, Vegas has Egypt as a heavy favorite to win the whole thing at 2-1. El-Sisi has been fielding trade offers for Patterson and Maclin since Monday, but he isn't budging. Some teams have even included live Camels and cheese in the deals. Nothing doing.

Obama's reaction after being told Doug Martin had to leave with an injury. He didn't move for 25 seconds.

Super powers United States, Russia and England all fell in week one thanks to injury laden rosters. Obama was reportedly in a cabinet meeting with his staff, when he was told that Doug Martin had injured his leg and wouldn't return to action. He merely stood still for nearly twenty-five seconds processing the information, then had representatives get on the phone and begin looking for a trade partner. It was rumored that Martin would have a short leash with Obama, and that was indeed the case.

Team Crimea of Wheat didn't fair well either, as Victor Cruz's poor MNF performance sent the Vladimir Putin to the can on several occasions (Putin gets extremely nervous watching games and has more bowel movements than average when in that condition). Putin loved the idea of talking smack with the line "Cruz Missles," but he'll have to wait a little while before he can do that. The offense looks horrible. A huge day from Megatron couldn't help save a blowout loss to lowly Nicaragua. Reports claim that President Ortega even called Putin's cellphone to "rub it in," but the Russian leader merely ignored the call.  Witnesses claim that Putin was scouring the waiver wire immediately after.

Lastly, England saw their opening week end in world cup soccer like fashion, with a loss to European neighbor Germany. Toby Gerhart royally screwed her Majesty and her countrymen with a sub-par day versus the Eagles. Couple that with Jordan Cameron exiting early and British Prime Minister David Cameron wasn't too happy. The controversy continued after the match, when Cameron said "at least we beat those bloody bastards 70 years ago." Germany took the high road and didn't engage in the dialogue.

Here are the final scores for week 1. (team names and countries below)

Team name and country.

1. Touchdown Tutakhamun - Egypt

2. What the Manziel is going on?- Nicaragua

3. We Made the Trophy - China

4. Crimea of Wheat - Russia

5. You can Baguette on us - France

6. Guess Uzbek again? - Uzbekistan

7. The Real Big Ben - England

8. Turn Down for Watt? - United States

9. John Kuhn-el - Armenia

10. Hakuhna Mattata Ryan - Zimbabwe

11. The Karl Marx Brothers - Germany

12. Romo wasn't built in a day - Italy

13. I'll go my way, Uruguay yours - Uruguay

14. U dropped a bomb on me, baby - Japan

Other Recaps:

Urguay rips France a new one

French President François Hollande reportedly slapped the adviser who had informed him that he was down thirty five points by midday Sunday. Hollande had demanded that he only be told the score if he were winning while he attended a girls dance recital. The adviser had since been released from the French Fantasy team, and Hollande is none to pleased with his teams efforts, and is considering dropping Pierre Garcon out of principle that "no French named man should ever perform that badly." Meanwhile,

Urguayans were given the entire day off of work on Wednesday. Citizens began writing thank you letters to Julio Jones, Mike Wallace, and Jordy Nelson. Good start for the lone South American country

Armenia delivers some humble pizza pie to Italy

President Sargsyan reportedly closed the doors to his office late Sunday evening and enjoyed a quiet glass of konyak alone in celebration of Armenia's victory over Italy. Team Kuhn-el was lead early by Brees, Chris Johnson, and AJ Green, but wasn't able to fully enjoy victory until Monday night, where Joique Bells three yard TD run, put Hyastan up for good. Sargsyan received a phone call from Italian President Napolitano congratulating the nation on the victory and at the same time inquiring about the availability of AJ Green. Sargysan has reportedly said that he wouldn't trade "Sev Gaystak" (black lightening) for all the garmeer pilaf (red rice)  in the world. We don't expect Green to leave Giligia anytime soon.

Strike First, Strike Hard, but Never Women. Cobra Kai Cuts Ray Rice, Releases Statement.

Cobra Kai's philosophy is "Strike first, Strike hard"... but never at women.

In light of the news released by AFFL news affiliate TMZ, Cobra Kai has officially released Ray Rice from the team just two days after acquiring him in a trade. Manager Sayyad Chakarian and co-manager Samual Chakarian (15 months old) have been applauded by the Commissioner for the move, as league rules prohibit Commissioner Lalazarian from forcing the release of a player without the teams consent. Below is the official statement from the current Champ.

From: Sayyad Chakarian

To: AFFL League.

Today at 11:26 AM

To Commissioner Lalazarian, Frank Samian and all AFFL Managers,

Team Cobra Kai prides itself on its cunning, ruthless, and a "take no prisoners" mindset when conducting it's fantasy football operations. This mentality, coupled with its keen sense for finding great waiver wire and trade opportunities has led it to AFFL Championship stardom in the past, and is the key to its future. It accepts all NFL players, without regard to what personal issues they may have - including a little "puff-puff-give" addiction, a DUI, (and even a little tax evasion really never hurt anyone).

It does, however, have its limits....

Cobra Kai has recently been privy to a video of the incident that Ray Rice was involved in with his wife, and is disgusted by its contents. In no way is the behavior of Ray Rice acceptable by the Cobra Kai organization. Our motto is "strike first, strike hard, no mercy," but that pertains only to the male population (for women it's actually "Yes first, Yes ma'am, show mercy"). And although, it condones sweep-the-leg and throw sand-in-eye tactics (ala Bloodsport) any day.... this "knock-a-bitch-out-cold" behavior is unacceptable (pardon the language) .

Cobra Kai respects females more so than you may expect from a dark-side organization. It relies heavily on the gender for motivation to excel at all costs as well as milk, of course (co-manager).

With that, Cobra Kai management has made a decision to DROP RAY RICE EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. It will cut it's losses with the recent trade made to acquire him, and will continue to work hard to rebuild.

- Cobra Kai

"Knocking suckas (not females) out since '79"

PS. We announce our intent to put in a claim for Justin Forsett, so bid wisely..

GayFFL Draft? BDiddy Picks Michael Sam, Cobra Collects Tight Ends, and Prime Time Brings Photos of Male Managers.

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Friday Night's AFFL draft featured and intense three-hour long marathon of focus and concentration, along with an unintentional gay undercurrent through the whole night. To borrow a phrase from a Seinfeld episode, "not that there is anything wrong with that."

The AFFL always supports diversity of all genders, races and sexes, and is vehemently against discrimination of any kind, against any group. As the evening went on, you couldn't help but begin to ask a question like "why are there so many co-managers in the league?"  Again, not that there is anything wrong with that.

Prime Time owner Ara kicked things off when he began showcasing enlarged photos he had accumulated from facebook pages of managers in the league. While this seemed innocent and done in good fun, the photos themselves were shot in such a fashion that they looked as if they were taken of the subjects in secret. The enlarged eight by tens with white boarders resembled shots you might see on a bulletin board in a detectives office as he spies on his suspects. Now we know Ara is a happily married man,  but you couldn't help but wonder, "did he do this for the laughs or... ?"

Kyle Rudolphs tight end started Cobra Kai's run on Tight Ends.

Then the "Gaydar" went up a notch when Cobra Kai began collecting Tight Ends as if he were in West Hollywood. There isn't a need to take back-to-back tight ends in the sixth and seventh rounds unless perhaps there is something more to it. And He wasn't finished. In the thirteenth round, he nabbed another tight end in Travis Kelce. Three tight ends on a Cobra Kai roster has never been done before. We know Cobra to be a great drafter, but this is out of character. Was there something implied by those moves? Not that there is anything wrong with that of course.

The gay tendencies of the draft concluded with BDiddy proudly shouting his selection of Michael Sam, (which really is  the St. Louis Rams Defense). Being that this team has three male co-managers, it isn't out of the realm of possibility that, well... subconsciously...they.. again, not that there is nothing wrong with that.

Ironically,  Grabbers United, didn't give a hint of gayness.

What does this alll mean? Nothing really, but was just fun to notice.  Just goes to show you how close the bonding is in the AFFL these days. And there really is nothing wrong with that.

Cobra Kai buys pet Cobra to distance further from Miyagi Brand

Cobra Kai isn't Miyagi, and he wants to make sure that you know it.  As of early Wednesday Morning, Sayyad is the proud owner of a 6 foot long cobra named Shorty. The cold-blooded reptile is part of the new branding campaign unleashed by team Cobra Kai to solidify his bad boy image and further distance himself from his old title as Miyagi.

"Cold-blooded. That's what 2014 is about for the Kai. We've got one championship under our belt., now we're looking to strike for more."

The yellow backed Shorty is kept in a large glass aquarium. The glass walls of the snake's dojo are lined with logos of the various AFFL teams for the snake to strike at and maim.  During feeding time, Shorty is fed his usual meal of mice, but with a twist: Sayyad plans to have each opponent he faces that week tattooed onto the rodent that he gives his snake.

“When you’ve tasted the venom of defeat, only then can you become immune to its effects”

— Sayyad Chakarian

After becoming the first non-Lalazarian team to win the AFFL title, Sayyad has cranked it up a notch in the jinx department. Most teams would opt to get creative anyway they could, but feeding snakes rodents marked with the opponent you face is uncharted territories. If Chakarian wins back-to-back titles you may see an uptick in Cobra purchases by other managers in the league. Should he fail to make the playoffs however, the question will be, was it the Snake or the team?

Hartan Mock Drafts 457 times in One Hour, Passes out, Speaks to Fantasy Gods.

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This time of year calls for fantasy football managers to be diligent and practice drafting on mock draft sites like yahoo or fantasyfootballcalculator.com, in order to hone their skills for when their real draft comes. Some mock draft once or twice a day. Others may do it in bunches for hours on end. Hartan did it until his Iphone exploded.

Donning a blue mask and claiming to be a Superhero named Varout, Hartan awoke from a momentary lapse in consciousness late Thursday evening with fried Iphone in hand to have completed 457 mock drafts in one hour, most certainly a world record. That equates to roughly 7 mock drafts per second, which means he must have had amazing cellphone service. Four major mobile carriers have already come out and claimed that Hartan is on their companies plan. Still, the question remains, how the heck did he do it?

Donning his "Mock Fantasy Mask," Hartan mock drafts as his Superhero alter ego.. Varout.

"I basically had more than twenty-five mock draft windows open at one time," Hartan said to reporters after he was found passed out on the sidewalk near his workplace in west la. "I would draft, click, draft, click, draft, click. Before I knew it, I was borrowing other people's Iphones and drafting on theirs. It was pretty intense."

Hartan had five Iphones, two laptops, and a palm pro of all things, all belonging to strangers who had gathered around the AFFL manager to egg him on as he went for a record. During the spontaneous mock draft marathon, strangers brought beers and funneled it down Hartan's throat so as he would not miss a millisecond of any draft. After just over an hour of drafting, the Iphone in his hand exploded, sending Hartan to the ground unconscious. That's when things got deeper than this years crop of wide receivers.

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Once Hartan came too, he proclaimed to have seen the fantasy gods and had a conversation with them. He described the gods as "donning three helmets, gold, silver, bronze, and a uniform that had ever NFL teams logo and colors embroidered into it."  He added that they spoke to him in numbers, numbers he understood, similar to the draft system that he had been using for years.

"I realized then that all these years, our draft system was actually channeling the Fantasy Gods. That's what they told me. They told me 'two is greater than seven, unless you go five.' It made perfect sense."

Harout's Mock drafting Super Outfit: "The Ninja Lantern.' Look for him in draft rooms today.

Medical examiners will continue to keep an eye on Hartan over the next week and he has been instructed not to mock draft for at least seven days. With the AFFL draft fast approaching on the 29th, Hartan can't afford to skip mocking during the most important time of the preseason, when teams values rise on a whim. He may need a new Iphone to do so, but look for Hartan to defy doctors orders and mock like hell over these next two weeks. Nothing is more important than the AFFL draft right now, and all eyes will be on Hartan and his number system come August 29th. Not only eyes, but apparently the tongue's of the fantasy gods as well.

Building Draft Confidence: The Greatest Picks In Every AFFL Team's History

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Confidence. You need it in all aspects of life. Whether it is approaching that curvacious woman using the elliptical machine at the gym, or deciding to select the not-so-obvious pick in the second round of a fantasy draft, the more confidence you have in yourself the better equipped you'll be to take risks and make the tough choices in life. In a fantasy draft, it's all about making tough choices, and those that take the risky road, often are rewarded. Behold the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks its neck out.

Going into the 2014 draft, the tension will be running high, and many will crumble when their team's selection is on the clock. The choice between Doug Martin, Larry Fitzgerald, or a Quarterback will stir a philosophical conversation in a managers head that will seemingly go on for hours during the minute and a half they have to finalize their pick. And no sooner than when they proclaim their choice, they will inadvertently blurt out, "I hated that pick." Tsk. Tsk. Oh ye' with little faith. A lack of confidence indeed.

For every bust, there has been a diamond in the rough found by each manager in the AFFL, and it should be celebrated. Whether a manager can or can't draft in the AFFL could be argued for days (Will Hangin' & Bangin' nail it this year or go limp into the season again?), but each team has had their share of great picks in the past, something they can carry with pride into 2014.

So call this article a confidence piece, aimed to bolster up the fragile egos of every AFFL manager who will dare to select the perfect team come the 2014 draft. We combed through every AFFL draft since 2008 and gathered up the best picks from every AFFL team. Any draft pick was eligible, as long as they were used in their roster at some point during the season.  We looked for players whose numbers were a significant increase from their draft spot. While early round picks may have been spot on, we looked for one's that would bring a little more ooh and ahhhs for the manager.

Was Josh Gordon Bomba's best pick ever? Did Ara out do himself with Peyton Manning? Was Eddie Lacy HBK's masterpiece? Did Hangin' & Bangin' make Jordy Nelson in 2013 their all-time best? We shall soon find out. Let the confidence building begin.

Jaj Cousteau

2010 - Arian Foster (2nd round. Pick #19) 

Honorable Mention: 2014 - Alshon Jeffery (11th round. Pick #124)

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Nothing quite like entering the league with a bang, and Jaj did just that when he selected Arian Foster in the second round of his inaugural AFFL season. Granted, Cousteau is a huge Texans fan, so  we must assume that he had been doing heavy research on the team prior to the draft. Heck, he could have been talking to head coach Kubiak for all we know. During the 2010 preseason, rumors were buzzing about Foster being a prime break out candidate, and his stock began slowly climbing up draft boards. He peaked at around the end of the fourth round, which was very high for a complete unknown. When it came time for Jaj to make his selection, he didn't waiver a bit, and the entire draft room reacted with a collective "whoa," to which Jaj perked up and looked around like they were crazy. He was right. They were. Foster finished as the top fantasy back that season. Cousteau strikes again!

Awesomeness

2008 - Chris Johnson (8th round. Pick #89)

Honorable Mention: 2011 - C.J. Spiller (8th round. Pick #92)

There was one year when Chris Johnson was known as Cj2k, and that happened to be the year that Awesomeness nabbed him in the 8th round. In his first season in the league, Awesomeness launched his team to the finals thanks in large part by gambling on a rookie in the 8th round. Already gambling by taking three Atlanta falcons as his starters, David put his entire RB situation in the hands of a rookie that was unknown and not getting much pub. What ended up happening next was an entire league of managers realizing that Awesomeness was exactly that, too awesome handle on a weekly basis. It set the stage for a series of three consecutive years making the finals with back-to-back titles in '09-'10. It all began with a little known rookie out of eastern Carolina.

Vosgereechee Gyank

2012 - Andrew Luck (12th Round. Pick #143)

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Back in 2012, Andrew Luck exploded on the scene as a rookie, and propelled the Colts back into immediate relevance. Waiting for a quarterback has always been a prudent move, and while the Gyank had already nabbed Tony Romo in the 8th round, he didn't hesitate to take a gamble on the rookie QB that many felt wouldn't have the weapons to pose an offense threat in the league. They were wrong, and Vosgee reaped the benefit of a top 8 QB that was gained after the 10th round. Romo finished number 7 at the position, giving his Gyankness a solid QB foundation all year long. Very nice work indeed. 

Grabbers United

2010 - Darren McFadden (9th Round. Pick #101)

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When the 2010 draft began, there was much speculation as to where to nab the Raiders RB who had been injury prone and labeled a bust in the previous two seasons. With no teams wanting to invest an early round pick on DMac, he slipped all the way down to the 9th round, where Grabbers United owner Sassoon took advantage. It was a low risk move with high upside, but still a gamble that eleven other managers passed up. The result? DMacs best statistical year of his career with over 1600 yards combo yards and 10 TDs.  Patience is a virtue, and kudos to Grabbers for taking the plunge on a player that was thought of as a waste of a roster spot.

BDiddy

2012 - Peyton Manning (6th Round. Pick #61)

Honorable Mention: 2012- Demeriyus Thomas (5th Round. Pick #60)

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The first year Peyton Manning returned from neck surgery, nobody knew what to expect. While many fantasy experts lauded Manning as a good quarterback to own, few were on board with any notion that he would finish in the top two that year at the position. After the Atomic Bomba snagged Julio Jones and Matt Ryan in the early rounds, BDiddy and company shifted to plan C, and targeted Peyton. Not only did BDiddy throw caution in the wind by drafting Manning at extremely good value in the 6th round, they went all in on the Bronco's passer by pairing him with his #1 target Demeriyus Thomas a pick earlier. The results were glowing, as Diddy made it to the semi-finals in the playoffs thanks to Manning's huge year. Bravo indeed.

Magnum Sev.i

2013 - Knowshon Moreno (14th Round. Pick #162)

Honorable Mention: 2011 - Darren Sproles (12th Round. Pick #137)

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Anytime you can nab a running back in the late rounds that turns out to be an RB1 for the entire year, you've done very well for yourself. During the 2013 preseason, many fantasy aficionados were clamoring for rookie Monte Ball or 2nd year back Ronnie Hillman to be drafted in leagues. Buried on the depth chart, Moreno was looked at as more a long shot to win the job in Denver. Magnum Sev.i turned a deaf ear to the so called experts and drafted Hillman and Moreno, covering his behind in the process. While he didn't draft either as a starter, Moreno quickly emerged as his best option, finishing 4th amongst all RBs in fantasy points. You can go ahead and peg Moreno the greatest 14th round pick the AFFL has seen. Always respect the 'stache.

Hangin' & Bangin'

2009 - Ricky Williams (13th Round. Pick#155)

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In between finding himself and teaching Yoga, Ricky Williams managed to briefly have a great year during his 2009 campaign. Combining for over 1400 yards and 13 TDs, Williams finished 5th amongst RBs at the position. Those numbers would peg him to be drafted somewhere between rounds 2-4 in most any fantasy football draft format. Hangin' & Bangin' (then known as the Donkey Punchers) scored big time by grabbing Ricky with their 155th overall pick. While draft hits have been hard to come by for the franchise, Bangin' did an excellent job doing their homework and nabbing a player who immediately provided RB2/1 production on a weekly basis. Granted they did eventually trade Williams at the deadline in a package deal for Wes Welker and Malcom Floyd, but not before they got the most value out of one of the best RBs in the 2009 season. It's great when you get 'em late and they reciprocate isn't it?

HBK Shant Michaels

2010  - LaDanian Tomlinson (8th Round. Pick #94)

Honorable Mention: 2013 - Eddie Lacy (3rd Round. Pick #25)

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After forty other running backs went ahead of him in the 2010 AFFL Draft, LT was sitting around waiting for a suitor at the end of the 8th round where HBK Shant Michaels took a gamble on him. After years of gracing the top of the draft boards in fantasy, it was a natural fall from grace for LT as his age started to catch-up with him. Pre-Draft rankings had LT as a mid-round gamble, stating that he could end up on the back end of a time share with no goal line carries. Despite the warnings to temper expectations, HBK took a shot and was rewarded with solid RB2 numbers. His 193 fantasy points that season placed him in the top 12 at the position, leap frogging twenty eight other running backs that were drafted ahead of him. HBK definitely dropped some nice late round chin music here.

Hartan

2012 - Alfred Morris (14th Round. Pick #166)

Honorable Mention: 2009 - Brett Favre (12th Round. Pick #135)

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When it comes to late round value, it doesn't get much better than Hartan's draft pick of Alfred Morris in the 2012 AFFL draft. During that years preseason, the starting running back for Mike Shanahan's offense was in limbo. He had been known to toy with fantasy owners by playing a game of musical chairs in the backfield with past teams, so taking any redskins quarterback was a yearlong gamble. While names like Helu and Royster were speculated to get the starting nod, Hartan nabbed Alfred Morris late, hoping he would eventually win the job. He did, and after a season with 1600 yards and 13 TDs which landed him in the top five amongst running backs in fantasy points, Hartan couldn't have been more pleased. Not all 14th round picks are the same. Some end up becoming RB1s and providing joy that every fantasy owner dreams of. Hartan nailed one here.

Prime Time

2011 - Steve Smith Sr. (8th Round. Pick #95)

Honorable Mention: 2013 - LeVeon Bell (9th Round. Pick #101)

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In 2011, the Panthers had a rookie Cam Newton as quarterback and an aging Steve Smith coming off two of his worst seasons statistically in his career. Blending those two together brought a lot of risk when thinking about drafting Smith in any of the early rounds. Naturally, he slipped come draft day, where Prime Time nabbed him with the 95th overall pick in the 8th round. He was drafted as his 3rd wide receiver, so this wasn't just someone who was brought in for depth. Ara was drafting him as a starter. Smith rewarded Prime Time's trust with a stat line that was his 3rd highest in his career: 79 rec, 1394 yrds, 7 Tds. He finished as the 5th highest WR in fantasy and carried Prime Time all the way to the finals. Incidentally, Cam Newton wasn't even drafted, which shows just how much of a risk Ara took. Well done, just like a piece of Prime Rib.

Atomic Bomba

2010 - Peyton Hillis (14th Round. Pick #162)

Honorable Mention: 2013 - Josh Gordon (9th Round. Pick #104)

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No Steve Slaton. No Deangelo Williams. This honor goes to a white RB. In 2009, Peyton Hillis was a back-up running back for the Denver Broncos. A stocky, fairly slow RB, that had pedestrian numbers. After being traded to the Cleveland Browns for Brady Quinn, Hillis had a chance to do something that nobody thought he would: Get on the cover of Madden. With the 162nd pick in the draft, Bomba targeted "White Thunder" in hopes that he would capitalize on the flashes he showed at the end of the 2009 season and become the Browns lead back. Become the lead back he did, finishing with 273 fantasy points, the most for any RB that year. The Bomba rode the Hillis train all the way to his second title in so many years. The greatest 14th round pick in the history of the AFFL. Peyton Hills. Who would have thought?

Cobra Kai

2011 - Matthew Stafford (8th Round. Pick #88)

Honorable 2013 - Mention: Antonio Brown (6th Round. Pick #60)

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In 2011, Matthew Stafford was coming of major shoulder surgery, and was labeled as an injury prone quarterback. Despite the label, Stafford had tremendous upside being that he was throwing to the league's best wide receiver in Calvin Johnson, so it's a little surprising he slid as far as he did during the draft. Cobra Kai patiently laid back and waited until the 8th round to grab his QB1 without hesitation. Staffords 5,000 yard passing season would place him third amongst quarterbacks that season, just behind Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. The 88th pick in the draft turned out to be a steal, as Stafford produced elite numbers week-in and week-out. Kudos goes to the Cobra for sitting back and waiting for the value at the position to come to him. It paid off big time. Strike first or eigth. Strike Hard. Show no Mercy. He-ya!

Analyzing the 2013 AFFL Draft: Draft Strategies that Win.

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Right now, everyone in the AFFL is preparing for their 2014 fantasy football draft. Spread sheets are being made. Mock drafts performed. Numbers crunched. Information absorbed. When it's all said and done, twelve  managers will enter the August 29th draft with a list of studs, sleepers and players to avoid in hopes of coming out with the best 16 players possible. Unfortunately, many will fail, but won't know it until around week four of the football season when their fantasy team is already in the fantasy toilet about to get fantasy flushed. We've all been there, and we will all be there again very soon.

The draft is a cruel beast. You prepare over a month and even though you know your stuff, you look back to it around the middle of September cursing out every expert that told you to take that sleeper WR in the middle-rounds. You swear you will never listen to Brad Evans again, and guarantee that next year will be different. You promise to  "change things up," but inevitably fall back on your old habits year in and year out. It's tough to change instincts that are essentially embedded in a managers personality.  Only by looking back at our failures can we hopefully make the corrections needed in the future. A fantasy future that is inevitably filled with frustration and "eff this shit."

Before we go forward, let's take a look back. Last years draft can offer managers a lot of helpful hints as to which draft strategies to use and avoid.  We know that the draft is not only about which players you pick, but also where you pick them. Getting a player that exceeds his draft spot and finishes season near the top of his position in points is the name of the game.  It really is that simple.

Knowing your league managers and how they draft plays a huge part too. Like playing poker, you should know your opponents. You should know which draft strategy they prefer most often. Heavy on RBs. Heavy on WRs. Which players do they target? More often than not, each manager has their "type of player" they target, and will continuously draft those players year after year. The more you know, the better off you'll be.

While knowing your opponents is key, we won't be doing much of that here. Instead, we'll focus on the players taken, where they were taken, and more importantly, what positions seemed to dictate the teams success. This is not the end-all-say-all for being successful of course. In-season management, trades, injuries, free agent pick-ups, these all play a huge role in winning. But a great draft gives a team a leg up on everyone else. The better players you have, the more of a chance you will succeed.

Let's begin by analyzing the draft positions of the teams that were successful.  Below is an image of the 2013 draft with the playoff teams highlighted in orange and the non-playoff teams highlighted in grey.

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From the above graphic you'll notice that three of the teams that made the playoffs drafted in the middle of the draft; spots five, six, and eight. Many fantasy football draft analysts claim that teams that are most successful drafted in the middle rounds, and this backs that point up. Prime Time, Hangin', and Bomba all made it to the post-season, with Bomba reaching the finals. We will keep these teams in mind as we go through the draft and take a look at how they did. You would assume that these teams did something right that helped them gain entrance into the post-season. Looking at what they did right can help form a proper draft strategy for those teams that haven't been able to capitalize on draft success in years past.

Let's begin by examining the quarterback position to see if there is anything worthy to note.

Quarterbacks

Everyone knows having a stud QB means everything. In fact, of the teams that made the playoffs, all but two of them had a quarterback that finished in the top five. Having a top quarterback is crucial, and accounts for more than half a teams chances of making the post season. But examining the drafting of those quarterbacks tells us quite a different story. Take a look at the chart below.

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The above chart highlights the quarterbacks and where they were taken. A green highlight denotes that the quarterback finished in the top five. A yellow means they exceeded their draft position and finished in the top ten. A red highlight means that they weren't worth the pick where taken, finishing below their draft status, or not being much of a factor.

Of the six playoff teams that had top five quarterbacks, only two were drafted in the first two rounds (Manning & Brees). The others, Stafford, Rivers, and Dalton were all drafted in the sixth round or later, and after the 14th round in Rivers and Dalton's case. Adding to that we see Tony Romo, Luck, Big Ben, Wilson, Newton, all finished in the top ten, with Romo leading Bomba to the finals. Granted, Aaron Rodgers will more often than not always finish in the top five, so Sev.i did get screwed there, but injuries or not, this is about whether the pick was worth it. Obviously, last season, Rodgers didn't warrant a 2nd round pick.

Conversely, looking at the chart, notice how many teams missed on quarterbacks. These picks could have been used on other positions and garnished a much better return on investment. Had a team like Jaj not reached on Kapernick and waited a few rounds, he could have bolstered his team up significantly. Prime Time whiffed on his draft strategy of taking two Qbs and trading one, but lucky for him, one of those Qbs was Peyton Manning. What is interesting to note is that Hangin' and Bangin' had two duds for their Qb, yet still made the playoffs. For the most part, teams that gambled at the QB position early in the draft and missed (Sev.i, Jaj) were hurt a lot worse than teams that missed at the QB position later in the draft (Hangin', Hartan). If you go QB early, it has to be a winner, or else your season can sink fast.

HBK nailed his QBs, selecting two top five quarterbacks. He immediately gave himself a leg up on the league and had a bargaining chip at his disposal. Three non-playoff teams did well too, Awesomeness, BDiddy, and Vosgee, getting great value for the Qbs they took in the mid-rounds. BDiddy especially nailed it with Dalton in the late rounds. Since they didn't make the playoffs, it could be assumed that either these teams managed their draft poorly, or they faltered at other positions. In BDiddy's case, he ended up trading Dalton before the season even started, a move that I'm sure he would have loved to have back.

So what do gain from this? Well, we can note that yes, in order to make the playoffs, you need a top QB. The chart tells us that of the quarterbacks finishing in the top ten, eight were drafted rounds 4 or later, with three available in the fourteenth round and on. Yes you need a good quarterback, but you don't necessarily need to get one in the early rounds. Waiting on a Quarterback is more often than not a wise choice, as there is plenty of value in the mid to late rounds. And if you do go QB early, you better hit on that pick. A dud on a quarterback in the early rounds is far more likely to crush a teams chances.

Running Backs

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Running backs have always been the golden geese of fantasy. Having a stud RB and RB depth is always a key to getting your team on the winning side of things. However, the chart tells a very interesting story in regards to the position. Notice that most of the RBs that were hits according to their draft spot were in the early to mid rounds. All the RBs that finished in the top ten were drafted in rounds 1-4. Yellow highlighted RBs exceeded their draft position and ended somewhere in the top 25. While there was value to be found late with Zac Stacy and Knowshon Moreno, the majority of RBs that exceeded their draft position were also in the top half of the draft.

Looking at the playoff teams, all had a stud RB on their team. In fact, most had two RBs that exceeded draft position. HBK hit a home run, drafting both AP and Lacy in the first three rounds.  Hartan, and Bomba each had a stud Rb on their team along with value mid and late which was crucial to the teams success. Bomba's case was particularly interesting being that his first round RB was a bust, showing that as long as you have one great RB on your team, you'll be okay.  Hangin' illustrated that point. His lone RB was Lynch, whom carried his team at the position.

Two teams that fail to follow the rules in this case are Cobra and Prime. They both had mid-round value with a few running backs, but more often then not, their RBs failed across the board. In Prime Time's case, he had a first round bust in Ray Rice and failed to draft a significant RB in the first eight rounds. Both teams ended up making the playoffs due to a little movement later in the year. Le'von bell eventually came on and became solid play, and Cobra ended up trading for Jamaal Charles, Murray and McCoy. This further exemplifies the fact that you need a stud Rb. At least one. Half-decent RBs, won't do.

While waiting on a quarterback is fine and dandy, waiting on an RB could be costly, unless you hit it big. There aren't many RBs late that will turn into RB1s to carry your team. You'd be wise to at least get one that is by the mid-rounds, or else you the odds will be against you. Of course, the rate of injury at the position affects this group more than any other. Nabbing handcuffs and waiting out some of the time-shares that teams use could be a wise strategy. Many teams that do that could find their own Zac Stacy and hit pay dirt. But in order to compete, you need to be solid at the RB position, and from the data, it's better to be safe than sorry. Get one the sooner the better.

Wide Receivers

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With the NFL becoming more of a passing league, there has been a glut of talent infused into the WR position group. In years past, there were far less teams that could support two stud WR's on the same team. That is no longer the case. Many teams have multiple WRs that are top 25 and are worthy of selecting to lead any teams WR core.

The chart above tells that story. While top ten Running backs were situated mostly in the first few rounds, the Wide Receivers are scattered about. Only four of the top ten receivers were drafted in the first two rounds. The other six were drafted in rounds 3-9. The yellow highlighted receivers, those that finished in the top 25, can also be found in abundance in those rounds. The chart shows that while missing on RBs early could be deadly, missing on a WR may not be as bad. There is much value to be had in the mid-round wide outs.

Each of the playoff teams had at least one stud, and in most cases two, with the exception of Hartan and Prime Time. Bomba drafting Gordon and Green gave him a huge advantage on a week-to-week basis, with two receivers in the top ten at the position. Cobra and Hangin' each had one of their own, and in Hangin's case, was a prime factor in the team making the postseason. 

The two exceptions are Hartan and Prime Time. We can deduce by now that Peyton Manning and in-season management/easy schedule seemed to be the primary factors in Prime TIme's playoff birth. Hartan had great picks at other positions, so his lack of WR hits were made up for at other spots.

No team drafted WR's better than Jaj. Four of his WRs exceeded their draft spots and two finished in the top ten. We can assume his failure to make the post-season had more to do with his reach on QB than at the RB/WR positions.

Of the three main position groups, the wide receivers seem to be the most consistent, showcasing that there is value to be had all over the draft. The mid-rounds are prime fishing spots when looking to hook a top notch receiver relative to his draft spot. If it doesn't work out, it won't be the end of the world. There are plenty still swimming later in the draft.

Tight Ends

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Drafting tight ends is perhaps the most difficult. Jimmy Graham is the leader of the pack and there is a very large gap between him and the second tier. While the position doesn't have much to offer in regards to depth, the value of a tight end can be found mostly in the mid-to-late rounds. If you aren't going to get Graham, you're better off waiting.

Last years draft shows us that of the tight ends that finished top 5 at the position, three were drafted between rounds 4-10. (Julius Thomas was not drafted). What is more important to note is that the teams that missed on a tight end in the mid-rounds really did themselves a disservice. Vosgee and Grabbers each got zero value for their tight ends, with Grabbers using a fifth round pick on Gronk.

The yellow highlighted players are those that finished in the top ten, and as you can see, there are plenty to be found late. With such a disparity between the top tier and mid tier at the position, teams are much better off trying to find a Tight end later in the draft than risking a pick on one in the early rounds.

Putting it All Together

So after collecting all the data from the various positions we can now assemble a master copy of what the draft looked like from a value stand point for all positions during last years AFFL draft and assess which teams truly scored big. We know from the charts above that its better to wait on a Qb, not wait on an RB, and look for WRs in the mid-rounds. More often than not, those strategies will produce the best value draft for a manager.

Below is a chart that combines the previous four. Defenses and kickers are greyed out, unless they were drafted in the mid-rounds. No defense last season was worth a mid-round pick in relation to the position.

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Okay, that's a lot of color. What does it tell us? Well, it tells us that there are a bunch of teams that started off the season with a significant advantage on everyone else and either capitalized on it or squandered their chances. Conversely, Prime Time and Hangin' didn't exactly have stellar drafts in regards to value, but benefited from either a soft schedule or great management. Let's breakdown each teams draft starting with HBK at pick one.

HBK

It's quite obvious why HBK made the postseason, he had 5 players that finished at the top of their positions. Rivers in the 16th was eventually dropped, but Stafford was good enough. He followed protocol for the most part, hitting on Rbs early, and waiting on Qbs mid-to-late. The team was very strong. His draft was an all or nothing affair, seemingly missing on every other pick except for the five he nailed. That was good enough.

Grabbers United

With only two players that exceeded their draft value, Grabbers didn't have enough to start the season to be a contender. He may need to look at which positions he targeted at what spot and change the strategy.  He can start with targeting a quarterback sooner than the last four rounds.

Vosgereechee Gyank

Only three picks seemed to exceed their draft value. That won't cut it, not when your first two picks are dud Rbs. You need someone in the top 5/10 at the position if that happens. Targeting WR's mid-rounds was the correct move, but he just picked the wrong RBs early, and nothing great late. That turned out to be the death knell.

Jaj Cousteau

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If there is a non-playoff team that has a gripe, it should be Jaj. His draft was solid. He had value at all positions, except perhaps the one that mattered most, QB. We mentioned this before, missing on Qb early can cripple a great team. He did everything else right, drafting Mid-round Wr's, Stud RB early. Mid-Round TE.  Draft was value filled.

Prime Time

While there was value to be found late in his draft, Ara got lucky. He took a QB early with Manning and drafted Levon bell to save his butt late. The other two WRs were good for what he had, but the draft was clearly a boon because of Manning. In-season management and schedule played a huge role in the success of the team, as the draft wasn't full of value to claim this team to be playoff worthy.

Hangin' & Bangin'

We can see why Hangin' was a first round exit in the playoffs, but commend the team for making it that far. Their draft strategy was correct, with a stud RB early and mid-round WR's that turned into studs. Missing on Qb was the nail in the coffin for the team, and burning two picks on the position in the mid-rounds doesn't help. However, of the playoff teams, they had the smallest number to build on and did enough to make it to the postseason.

Magnum Sev.i

Solid draft, full of value. Top heavy with a lone value pick late. They opted QB early, but missed, showing why waiting on Qb could be a wiser strategy. If your early round QB duds, it will be near impossible to recover. Just too much value invested at a high value position. Rodgers injury buried a team that had a lot of promise at the beginning of the year.

Atomic Bomba

Six picks were all value picks, and covered every position. Four of the players picked finished in the top 5/10 at their respective positions. This was a solid draft. Notice that Romo was not a top 5 Qb but was good enough to lead the team to the finals. You need a good Qb, not necessarily a great one. As long as your other positions are solid, and they were.

Awesomeness

Very good draft. RB value in the mid-rounds and mid-round Qb was the right way to go. Missing on WR's elsewhere crippled the team. One injury to Julio was all it took. Could be a case that the season schedule led to the teams demise, along with poor management.

Hartan

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Late round value galore. The draft strategy was prudent, as a mid-round miss on a QB wasn't severe enough to cripple the season (though they did trade for Brees). Big Ben late salvaged things. Mid-round Rbs bolstered the RB dept, as did late round WRs. Good draft strategy helped propel the team through the season. Had a solid group to build on and no surprise that the value taken turned into playoff team.

BDiddy

Their draft strategy was spot on. All positions. Drafted QB mid and late. Early Rb stud, mid-round Wr's. The team not making the playoffs was not at fault of the draft. Attribute their lack of success to either in-season management or schedule. On paper, they had enough to build on to make the postseason but didn't.

Cobra Kai.

Not typical draft strategy, but worked. Top heavy draft and enough value in mid-round players to hold team up at other positions.  Good value late as well. Draft was a prime reason that Cobra was able to maintain success during the season. Was a good enough start to build and carry through the season.

As you can see, there were many teams that started off the season already with their foot in a ditch (Vosgee, Grabbers) and others that had much promise but failed to capitalize (BDiddy, Jaj, Magnum, Awesome). Prime Time and Hangin' both began the year with poor teams in regards to player value, but did enough (or got lucky) during the season to manage to keep playing during week 14.

So what makes a great draft? Great players that exceed their draft position at the end of the year. There is no perfect draft strategy, as everything is fluid, but you can bet that if you follow some of the guidelines from the charts above, you will more than likely be successful.

1. Wait on a Quarterback, and if you don't, he has to be a hit. The earlier the dud, the harder it is to recover from.

2. RBs aren't found late, they're found early. Try and get a stud the sooner the better.

3. Wide Receivers are everywhere. If you don't get one early, you can get one in the mid-rounds.

4. Tight end is a crap shoot. Wait and be late.

And if you do in fact manage a great draft, just remember, it's only the beginning. Great management can save a poor draft, and poor management can destroy a great one. In the end, its all on  you. So keep mock drafting, studying, and preparing. Just a few more weeks left until the real draft is here. And by all means, pray to the fantasy gods. It'll only be a few months from now when you look back to the decisions you made in august and think to yourself, "never again!" That is, until next year.

Sixth pick is Number six? Sev.i adopts "Revolutionary Draft Strategy" after One Crazy Night in Amsterdam.

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What will Sevag do with pick #102?

So what we're going to do is we're going to draft players by the number they wear, okay. So lets say I have pick number 14. I'm going to be thinking 'okay, who wears number 14, that's who I want to draft.' We're so stupid! The answer was their all along and I never saw it.

These were the words of Magnum Sev.i owner Sevag when he revealed to reporters in the Netherlands his new "Revolutionary Draft Strategy" after a night in Amsterdam early Monday Morning.  Emphatic and enthusiastic about the new plan, a more than slightly baked Sev.i was more than happy to discuss his plan in detail while munching on Doritos and drinking a two litter bottle of sprite. So who is Sevag going to take with the sixth pick?

Jay Cutler. We're taking Jay Cutler because he wears number six. This is soooo easy!!! How could I have been so stupid all these years!! We're gonna win it all man!

For his second round pick, pick number 18, Sevag said that they would be selecting Peyton Manning. This immediately posed two problems. First, Magnum would have drafted two quarterbacks with his first two picks, which is not an ideal way to build a team. Second, Peyton may not even be available because Prime Time owner Ara more than likely will elect to retain his rights and select him as his keeper. Sevag didn't seem to understand nor like this too much.

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Levonte David could become the first Defensive player drafted in the AFFL draft since ever. Will Sev.i make history?

No. He can't keep him. We have the eighteenth pick. We are suppose to get him there.

Sevag fell asleep alongside a curb in the red light district shortly after this question, but did mumble in his slumber that picks 30, 42, and 54 would be Zac Stacy, tight end Charles Clay, and Bucs linebacker Levonte David, even though the AFFL doesn't allow for defensive players to get drafted.

Back in Los Angeles, reporters caught up to Sev.i co-Manager Danny and asked him about his thoughts on the draft strategy. He seemed to be unfamiliar with the plan, but admitted that they could go that route at some point in the draft. Some in the media began to question whether team Magnum was indeed taking this draft seriously or just treating it as some sort of astrological fantasy football horoscope. Danny took offense to the notion and lashed out.

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It's all a numbers game. That's what you don't realize. Now get off my lawn. I got diapers to change. Mr. Mom bitch.

Keep an eye on Sev.i during the draft. If his first pick isn't Calvin Johnson at 6, you'll know the numbers game could be in play. If tarot cards and palm reading starts to take place, you'll know the strategy will be in place for certain. Should be fun to watch.

Awesomeness Owner Gets 75% score on Awesome Quiz. Brings Authenticity of Awesomeness into Question.

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Today is the birthday of Awesomeness owner David, August 5th. He is probably feeling Awesome right now and plans to have an Awesome cake along with some Awesome gifts. We would expect everything in his life to be Awesome. For the most part I'm sure it is. But could Awesomeness have a non-awesome side to himself?  Is he perhaps not completely Awesome? Apparently so.

AFFL has obtained information about an Awesome quiz that David took on brainfall.com entitled How Awesome are you? The result: He scored a 75%.

For normal people, 71% is a very respectable score and most citizens of this earth would gladly accept being that much Awesome. (Obama reportedly scored in the low 40s). But when your whole brand is built around being the king of all that is wonderful, spectacular, and down right awe inspiring, you would expect a one hundred percent result. David failed to achieve such a result and now his Awesomeness is being called into question. 

The test questions ranged from opinions about certain aspects of life to how you would react in a situation. Below is a sample question:

2.   It's Sunday and you have no place to be. You are out walking near a local landmark when a young couple waves at you and asks you to help them take a picture. You...

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• Keep on walkin'.

• Lie and say you're too busy to help em out.

• Take a picture for them, but don't feel too thrilled about being asked to do it.

• Take some pictures of the couple and make sure they are pleased with how they turn out!

We do not know  how David answered the above question, but we would not put it past anyone if he just "kept walkin." Another question asked if he would be able to do the dishes after a meal, we are banking that unless the dishes made their way to the couch, that would probably be a negative.

“The only thing worse than his team being called Awesome is the fact that you believed it. But not Prime Time (wagging finger).”

— Ara

The test result is interesting considering that David has failed to make the playoffs in the last two years of the AFFL, not so awesome. That was after he reached the finals for three straight seasons and won two titles, becoming the first back-to-back AFFL champion, very awesome indeed. 

David was unable to be reached for comment, but Prime Time owner Ara (scored a 37% on the same quiz) was quick to lend his own thoughts. "Awesomeness is horrible. He's always been horrible, and he will always be horrible. The only thing worse than his team being Awesome is the fact that you all believed it. But not Prime Time (wagging finger)."

It is too soon to write-off the authenticity of Awesomeness after an average test result and two poor seasons in the AFFL. His first three years solidified his name, and he will attempt to recapture that glory in 2014. Maybe he just got tired and need a few years off. Can you be awesome all the time? Sometimes you need a break.

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When David blows out the candles on his cake today, we know that each candle will go out at the exact same time. We know that the first slice of cake will be as perfect as the last. We know that the taste of the cake will be as delicious as any other. These are the standards that Awesomeness places on himself. The standards he tries to live up to, and has failed to do so in the AFFL for the past two years. When he blows out those candles, we also know the wish that he will be making for himself and his team. 75% Awesomeness won't cut it. It's gotta be 100% or bust. Have an Awesome-Freakin-Day.

AFFL Draft Lottery: No Surprise. Jaj Comes First.

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Balls and Jaj. The two just seem to go together.

After going to a new Draft lottery format this year with the use of a homemade lottery machine powered by a leaf blower, the AFFL completed its annual draft order show on Wednesday evening with Jaj Cousteau coming out first. Pun intended.

“We hoped for the first pick. We wanted the first pick. We knew we had a lot of balls in that thing.   We're really happy with the results."

Cousteau had seven lottery balls in the hopper, along with Awesomeness, the most of any other lottery team. Vosgereechee Gyank and Grabbers had five each, with Bdiddy and Sev.i rounding out the group with three and one.

This is the second first pick that team Cousteau has had, and one that could break the two year slump of failing to make the playoffs. Manager Chris has already classified this season as a  Commitment to Jajcellence, and has high expectations for his team.

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Poster displayed on the locker room wall inside the Cousteau facility right under a sign that says Commitment to Jajcellence.

“Jajcellence is all about coming out on top. It's about making sure that whatever you do, you do it well. We're gonna win this league this year. I can feel it. And it'll start when I whoop up on Prime Time.”

When Cousteau says Jaj, people say "how high," and that sort of respect can be found for all over the AFFL. If a team is set to make a run at the title from the bottom up, no team is sitting better than the Jaj meister, who could have players like LeSean McCoy or Jamaal Charles available to him at the first spot.

We won't know who Chris will select for another month, when the draft is officially held on August 29th at 8pm., but one thing is for sure, in a league like the AFFL, it always pays to have a lot of balls. From these Lottery results, nothing could be truer than that.

2014 AFFL Draft Lottery

And the #1 pick goes to...

Prime Time Tax? Ara hopes to Impose Draft hosting fees on managers.

After receiving bids to host the AFFL Draft from a variety of venues which included Carousel Restaurant in Glendale and Sako's Mechanic's Garage in North Hollywood, The AFFL Draft Selection Committee has narrowed down the choices to two: The house of either Vosgereechee Gyank owner Mardig Kasbarian, or Prime Time owner Ara Malikian. There is one snag however, Ara is mandating a tax on the league.

Paperwork submitted to the league office by Prime Time on Monday offers the league full access to all facilities on the premisses, including the pool, food, drink and after draft indemnities.  Malikian adds that a "draft tax" be placed on managers to help pay for cleaning and repairs needed after the draft, as well the amount still owed from his Armenian Wedding in March.

Here is a list of some of the taxes and fees:

$20 team enterance fee
$2 walk-across the wooden floor tax (backyard entrance free)
$1.45 restroom cleaning fee
$1.15 wife/kids inconvienced fee
$1.05 parking fee
$1 laptop fee
$.50 outdoor patio seat fee
$.25 Ara fee
$.10 exit fee

Also included:

$.55 per sheet toilet paper fee

and

$.23 speaking fee

Should the league allow the fees to go through, each team manager would be responsible for paying their portion of the $29.50 on top of their league registration fee.

The league has consistantly maintained that hosting the AFFL draft is a privalage and the AFFL karma that one gains from such an event is priceless. Aside from a few food items brought to share, it is unlikely that the Prime Time will get to turn a profit while the AFFL Draft is in his house of the most hated.

Using Prime Time's phrase, I'm sure he should pay us for the fact that we shall all have "A horrible day."