Hartan Offers Trade to Himself, then Rejects it.
Raffi Lalazarian
Sometimes Hartan brings in a third party to evaluate a trade offer. The official Hartan Parrot named SheeShik takes on the task above. He's given crackers as compensation.
One of the most active teams in the AFFL when it comes to trades is team Hartan. They have been in the process of working blockbuster deals for a long time. So how do they do it? Apparently they practice on each other.
“We each own half of the team,” explained Harout, "so we offer each other trades and then accept or reject them. We know that if one of us accepts the trade offer, there is a good chance another team will accept it.”
Harout reacting to practice offers from Vartan. He's told not to peak, then give a non-verbal cue if he likes or dislikes the trade. It's a game of peek-a-boo.
Does their method work? Well you be the judge. One "offer" that was proposed by Harout and “accepted” by Vartan was Matthew Stafford, Joique Bell, Randall Cobb, Pierre Thomas, and Andre Johnson for Andrew Luck, Brandon Marshall, Dez Bryant a 49% stake in Grabbers United. And free food for a month.
“It's simple really,” explained Vartan. “Stafford plus Joique equals Luck. Cobb is better than Marshall because he's hurt, so that's Grabber's advantage. Andre Johnson would then combine with Pierre Thomas to be more than Dez, so the 49% evens that out. Maybe we were a bit high on that. Maybe 30% is his stake. The free food is just a throw in.”
A trade that was conversely rejected was Forte for Dez Bryant straight-up.
“That was a trade that wasn't getting anyone anywhere,” explained Harout. “Not equal at all.”
When they can't decide on a whether or not they should accept or reject an offer, Hartan will bring in a third party to help break the tie. Usually, SheeShik, the teams official parrot will be used to help settle the score. SheeShik is a very intelligent bird and has been involved in orchestrating deals for the team for a long time. He was the one that suggested the Drew Brees and Pierre Thomas for Jamaal Charles trade last year. He has reportedly been clamoring for the team to dump Matthew Stafford because, as SheeShik puts it, "he's blockhead with a helmet on, raar."
If Hartan and SheeShik can't manage a trade before the weekend is over, Hartan will have to go into week 4 relying on a roster that put up an anemic 52 points last week. Their match-up with Hangin' & Bangin' could decide the fate of their season.
It may be time to put on the mask and go into Super Hartan mode.
Hartan when he goes into "Super" mode. They are reportedly 13-1-0 lifetime when dawning the Hartan mask.