Strike First, Strike Hard, but Never Women. Cobra Kai Cuts Ray Rice, Releases Statement.

Cobra Kai's philosophy is "Strike first, Strike hard"... but never at women.

In light of the news released by AFFL news affiliate TMZ, Cobra Kai has officially released Ray Rice from the team just two days after acquiring him in a trade. Manager Sayyad Chakarian and co-manager Samual Chakarian (15 months old) have been applauded by the Commissioner for the move, as league rules prohibit Commissioner Lalazarian from forcing the release of a player without the teams consent. Below is the official statement from the current Champ.

From: Sayyad Chakarian

To: AFFL League.

Today at 11:26 AM

To Commissioner Lalazarian, Frank Samian and all AFFL Managers,

Team Cobra Kai prides itself on its cunning, ruthless, and a "take no prisoners" mindset when conducting it's fantasy football operations. This mentality, coupled with its keen sense for finding great waiver wire and trade opportunities has led it to AFFL Championship stardom in the past, and is the key to its future. It accepts all NFL players, without regard to what personal issues they may have - including a little "puff-puff-give" addiction, a DUI, (and even a little tax evasion really never hurt anyone).

It does, however, have its limits....

Cobra Kai has recently been privy to a video of the incident that Ray Rice was involved in with his wife, and is disgusted by its contents. In no way is the behavior of Ray Rice acceptable by the Cobra Kai organization. Our motto is "strike first, strike hard, no mercy," but that pertains only to the male population (for women it's actually "Yes first, Yes ma'am, show mercy"). And although, it condones sweep-the-leg and throw sand-in-eye tactics (ala Bloodsport) any day.... this "knock-a-bitch-out-cold" behavior is unacceptable (pardon the language) .

Cobra Kai respects females more so than you may expect from a dark-side organization. It relies heavily on the gender for motivation to excel at all costs as well as milk, of course (co-manager).

With that, Cobra Kai management has made a decision to DROP RAY RICE EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. It will cut it's losses with the recent trade made to acquire him, and will continue to work hard to rebuild.

- Cobra Kai

"Knocking suckas (not females) out since '79"

PS. We announce our intent to put in a claim for Justin Forsett, so bid wisely..