AFFL Commissioner Meets with Uzbekistan President Islam Karimov for Possible Expansion
Raffi Lalazarian
Just where is Uzbekistan? Sure you've heard of it, but do you know where the country is exactly? Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Kazakhstan all get more notoriety when it comes to the list of "stan" countries, but Uzbeki's want you to know they are on this planet too, and are ready for football.
President Islam Karimov of Uzbekistan met with the AFFL commissioner on Thursday afternoon to discuss the possibility of league expansion, as the commish continues his tour of Eastern Europe in hopes of further expanding the league. President Karimov claimed that his country has a rich and proud history with American football, and wishes to put their nations football IQ to the test amongst the best. He hopes to get Uzbekistan into the global spotlight through the AFFL.
"We love the AFFL and feel that our capital city Tashkent is a perfect place to house an AFFL franchise," Karimov claimed. "It is practically Armenian."
Armenians have been known to "tash-toosh," so indeed they should be able to "tash-kent." After the hour long meeting, the commissioner and President discussed possible first round keepers in the upcoming draft, and compared their "Guys I won't be drafting lists." An avid fantasy football player, President Karimov was more than thrilled to share a few thoughts on players he felt were going to have big years in 2014.
"That guy over there on the team with the Jaguar. The one that is called Braveheart. Braveheart? No. No. Gerhart. Prince Gerhart I call him. He is going to have one hell of a season, 'toting the rock,' as they say. Get that bastard for your team."
The President said that he is high on Julius Thomas, but only for a fourth round price, and added that you should draft CJ Spiller because he's going to have "a back bouncing year." After talking fantasy football with reporters for fifteen more minutes, the President realized he was late to a foreign policy meeting and rushed off just as he was about to get into "PPR studs."
After his meeting on Thursday, the Commissioner will fly to another "stan" country, Kyrgyzstan, on Saturday where he will hear a pitch from President Almazbek Atambayev and where he thinks you should draft Michael Crabtree. (Almazbek has already changed positions on this twice, first saying the 5th round in standard, non-ppr leagues, but then changing it to a 6th round grade when Vernon Davis returned). He will then fly to Tajikistan early next week, then Kazakhstan four days later. If either President Emomalii Rahmon or President Nursultan Nazarbayev make a persuasive enough pitch, or divulge the right "sleepers" in this years draft they could find that their country will be the newest addition to the AFFL. Turkmenistan was not considered for expansion for obvious reasons.