Cobra Kai Diagnosed with Trader's Addiction. Offers Olsen for Clay Jars at Local Swap Meet.

Cobra Kai may need to dial a 1-800 number very soon.

After pulling off two trades in a three week span, it seems that Cobra Kai manager Sayyad isn't satisfied. In fact, he may never be satisfied. The karate manager has an insatiable desire for trades, and has been diagnosed by fantasy doctors as having a Trader's addiction.

"Trader's addiction is developed after many years of sending out bullsh$$ trade offers," said Dr. Fienhold, head of the AFFL research and development lab in Los angeles, Ca. "The trader offers up so many BS trades that they then get the uncontrollable desire to keep offering something, just to get the 'High' of winning a trade."

While Dr. Fienhold says that the addiction can be cured, it is very difficult to do so if the patient has reached BS level #4, offering scrub players for stars.

It looks like Sayyad could have hit that level last week, when offered Awesomeness Melvin Gordon and Allen Robinson for Arian Foster. Fantasy experts don't quantify this as a BS trade, but many who imagine Foster to be an RB1 would definitely say this was indeed bullsh$$.

Photo's surfaced just this week showing Sayyad at a local swap meet attempting to trade his star tight end Greg Olsen to a Mexican woman for clay jars. When approached by a local fan of the team, Sayyad quickly scurried away to another booth, shaming the fan for not understanding "his method." Dr. Fienhold explains the reaction.

Trader's Addiction anology

"Once a patient has gone to level 4, they often times shut others out of the picture, and believe themselves to be on another level when it comes to player evaluation. To quote a Barry Manilow line, they believe, 'they write the songs that the whole world sings.'"

Trader Kai has been superb in his dealings over the years, and has won more trades than he has lost. However, we forget that for every trade he has made, there have been thousands of offers that have failed. It is clear that the addiction has been in slumber for many years and is now reaching the surface.

AFFL managers have been told of the diagnosis and have been asked not to be offended if they receive a BS trade offer from Cobra Kai. They hope that teams will understand that this is an affliction that will take time to overcome, and the Commissioner has asked teams to show sensitivity. An AFFL public service announcement is in the works, as are donations to the FTA (Fantasy Trader's Anonymous) the group that helps managers with fantasy trading addictions.

The Commissioner hopes that Sayyad and other managers that are addicted to sending out BS trade offers get the help they deserve. This is a serious issue that is only now coming to light.

Our prayers are with Cobra Kai and every future trade offer he sends. He needs it.

Champions Unite! Cousteau Signs Deal with Seahawks to open Seahawk Jaj Club.

The Coustau Championship Tour keeps on rolling along, this time up north in Seattle, where early Thursday morning the AFFL Champion inked a deal with the Superbowl Champion Seahawks to open an exclusive Seahawk Jaj Club at Century Link field. The merger of the two franchises will be the biggest merger for an AFFL franchise since Prime Time signed an endorsement deal with Waste Management immediately following the drafting of his 2010 AFFL team.

Cousteau manager Chris was excited about the deal, as was Seahawk GM John Schneider, who called the Jaj Club, "a place we all need in every stadium."

"I think when you're talking about Jaj, you're talking about the essence of football," said Schnieder. "We just wanted a little Seahawk Jaj in the Stadium and we got it."

The Seahawk Jaj club will be a room full of Seahawk Jaj, a combination of Seahawk and Cousteau imagery. Membership will be open to all fans on a first served, first come basis. Hot dogs in fresh buns will be available for members to enjoy, complete with a condiment bar. Fans of both teams will enjoy light music andfriendly atmosphere where they can mingle and get to know one another more intimately. Whether it is to talk about team Cousteau and shoot the Jaj, or discuss the possibility of a new Seahawk Jaj logo, there will be something for everyone.

"We really want to make this Club about Seahawk Jaj," said Cousteau owner Chris. "It's something new for me, but I'm excited about it."

Seahawk officials have not yet settled on when the Jaj Club will be opened, but many believe it won't be until next season.

Seahawk Jaj Club. Cumming soon.

But you know what they say: the bigger the build up, the bigger the release.

In the meantime, team Cousteau looks to be the first team since the Atomic Bomba to win back-to-back titles. If the first two weeks of the season are any indication, it looks like he'll get a shot to do just that.

With a 2-0 record and the most points in the AFFL, Jaj sits atop the the entire league. Kinda like a Seahawk Jajing from above. Oh the irony.

Prime Time wakes up to Discover He Really traded Le'Veon Bell.

"What the F*@% did I do?"

That was the response from Prime Time owner Ara after he was awoken early Friday morning by his wife Taleen and told that he did indeed trade one of the top running backs in Le'Veon Bell to Cobra Kai for multiple players. Rocking some sweet bed-hair, Ara immediately ran to his computer and checked his line-up to confirm the transaction. He then somberly walked into the bathroom and took a leak.

"What I did, I did," said Ara to AFFL reporters later that day. "What was done was done. It is what it is. You can't change what you can't change. We move forward to move forward."

It is quite obvious that Ara might not have been conscious when making the trade that sent Bell along with Brandon Cooks, Deangelo Williams and Vincent Jackson for a haul of injured running backs and wide receivers with quarterback problems. Despite this, the trade would not be reversed even if Ara had buyers remorse. All trades are final.

Bell is one of the top running backs in the league, and has been a keeper for Prime Time over the past two seasons. Having been suspended the first two games of the year, Bell hasn't even had a chance to hit the field, which is why many managers are confused about the trade.

"I guess he just wants to cash in when his value is high," said BDiddy co-manager monkey mike. "He's always been an a-hole to us co-managers so I hope it bites him in the ass."

Prime Time's draft grade wasn't especially great, and concern over the lack of impact players could be the primary reason Ara pulled this trade. Of course, this is Prime Time, and very little done by Ara has turned out well in the trade market. This is the same manager that drafted two qbs twice and traded a top five qb for a running back who was cut two weeks later.

We can't give Ara all the blame, just as it's unfair to give him all the credit as well. There's a good possibility that the didn't even know what was going on even while he was negotiating the deal with Cobra Kai. We wouldn't be shocked if Ara indeed made a move that he wasn't even aware of. He has a lot of stuff going on.... like life.

But a manager not knowing he made a trade would only lead to one logical conclusion, that someone other than Ara helped to facilitate the deal.

AFFL reporters speculate that an outsider by the name of House Tutu, who himself is a manager in another league, helped broker the deal and left Prime Time out-of-the-loop on the parameters. Reports claim that total trust in House Tutu's player evaluation left him in full control of the trade. Ara being totally clueless about the trade this morning only further establishes House Tutu as the ghost trader; or it could be that Ara is just clueless.

Prime Time denies that such a person exists, for he knows the ramifications that would follow if it were found out that he used a "co-manager."

Literal Image of just who or what house tutu can be. For all we know, Ara may have talked to an actual house.

"I don't know who this House Tutu Mootu guy is. I don't deal with co-managers. Why would I have someone else help me if I don't deal with managers that are helping me deal with someone else helping me? It doesn't make sense."

Nothing Ara says makes much sense, just like his last statement, and it would be a huge controversy should the reports of outside help be true. AFFL co-managers would have a field day.

"If he got help on a trade, then I think the should be kicked out of the league for hypocrisy," said BDiddy owner Baret. "I know it's extreme, but I didn't even get an extra chair for my managers in the draft, bro. I know my co-managers weren't there but still. It's principle."

Ara has vehemently denied co-manager's rights at drafts and spoken out against them in the league. If House Tutu Mootu turns out to be real, it could be a rough week of damage control for Prime Time.

It looks like it's already been a rough morning.

Vosgee Gyank employs New Fantasy Ritual: Watering Pool Deck with Holy Water

After years of being "washed out" of the AFFL playoff hunt, Vosgee Gyank owner Mardig is turning to a new ritual to help get him his winning ways back: watering the deck of his pool.

"I realized this summer that when I would watch my team play, it was always outside by the pool," said Maridg as he sipped on a pina-colada in the California sun. "I said, Holy kaka! This is sacred ground. I need to bless the Gyankness out of this."

Vosgee has instilled the help of a local church, and pipes in blessed holy water to spray down his entire football viewing area, complete with theme music that prepares the Vosgee for fantasy battle that week.

Words cannot describe the awesomeness of the event, so just watch the video below and enjoy for yourself in all its glory.

One thing is for sure. Every Sunday in 2015, Vosgee will be prepared.

Matthew Berry Calls Out Prime Time for "Hoarding RB's" Strategy. Endorses Bomba

Prime Time has been notorious for hoarding running backs his entire AFFL career, and it has finally caught the ire of one of the elite members in the fantasy world: Espn Fantasy expert Matthew Berry.

This past summer, AFFL Commissioner Lalazarian was joined by HBK manager Shant Apelian in meeting the Fantasy life author at a pubic meet and greet at David Yurman's jewelry store in South Coast plaza. Berry arrived fashionably late to the event, blaming the orange county traffic for his tardiness. Most the patrons didn't buy it, but the free champagne kept emotions on the up and up.

Despite having never met the Commissioner, Berry remembered Lalazarian from more than five years ago when he was a judge on Papa John's Fantasy to Reality contest. The Commissioner thanked Berry for awarding the AFFL the title of best fantasy league in America, and the two exchanged thoughts about fantasy football and discussed his journey to fantasy stardom as outlined in his book. It was a very pleasant meeting.

But the conversation took an entirely different turn when Prime Time's name came up. Berry had heard about The Ways of the Ara and was passionate in throwing a little smack talk back at one of the most hated managers in the AFFL.

"When you've never won a championship, how can you consider yourself a top three manager in the league?" questioned Berry. "He's either delusional or in denial. Either way, he's got fantasy fever, and it's not good."

Fantasy fever is a condition often associated with the long time fantasy managers who over compensate for the lack of fantasy fulfillment and become "hot" on the idea that they are indeed the best, overlooking their short comings. After examining Prime Time's history, Berry walked away convinced that the big bad wolf that is Prime Time is in irreconcilable case. His key point of emphasis? His Rb strategy.

"That's just insecurity," Berry exclaimed. "I see it all the time. He's not confident in his evaluation process so he tries to cover his ass. Weak."

Berry was so disturbed by Prime Time's methods he insisted on recording a video message to Ara personally. The video was released by AFFL headquarters this morning.

In Prime Time's defense, he has finished in second or third place six of nine seasons in the AFFL. That is a great achievement. But then again, do people mention the Buffalo Bills of the early 90's in conversations with dynasties like the 49ers, Cowboys, and Patriots? Not often. 

After lacing in on Prime Time, Commissioner Lalazarian had to bring Berry back to earth, and focus on something positive. That's when Berry exonerated the Atomic Bomba, the most successful franchise in the league.

"I knew the Bomba had had great success, but I was blown away when I looked at the statistics. If Prime Time wants someone to emulate, that's a franchise he should look at. Stop being weaselly Prime Time. Just own up to the fact that you'll never Be the Bomba."

Berry ended the meeting by signing a book for the league, and asked Lalazarian to ensure that the league see it. The commissioner assured Mr. Berry his wishes would be met, and the two parted ways. His signature read:

"To Bomba: Keep the Championships coming" - Matthew Berry

The Bomba surely will Mr. Berry. That is more than we can say for Prime Time.

Thank you Mr. Berry for contributing to the AFFL again. Appreciate the time and support.